on the upswing
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on the upswing

This is a discussion on on the upswing within the Bipolar forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; right now not currently taking meds. And my energy is high. like it goes from being good energy like cleaning ...

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Old 04-09-15, 12:45 PM   #1
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right now not currently taking meds. And my energy is high. like it goes from being good energy like cleaning the house and trying frantically to get stuff done but not getting everything done cause i forget stuff and work on only one thing...to perfection. then there's the bad energy times when I don't sleep much and when I do it's tossing and turning and having weird dreams. like last night i dreamed about zombies and vampires, because my husband was watching Being Human( the UK version, which I have to say is freaking awesome) and even though they don't have zombies, I dreamed about them when I fell asleep finally, and after an hour of dreams and jumping all over the bed, I punched the wall in my sleep and that woke me up. and all the dogs were looking at me from the side of the bed. so I haven't been sleeping well. and today I made a bunch of cookies from scratch, even though I'm not going to eat them cause I am scared of getting diabetes again, but they are homemade so my family will be happy, they miss the cookies. I used to make them all the time. Not much anymore because I was scared I would eat some, but I really don't want any so it's ok.Oh yeah, bad energy, lots of head butting again. But I am trying to not be around so many people so I won't argue so much, but sometimes it's like when people are inefficient, drives me nuts! And then I get inefficient and it drives me nuts so, I'm trying to get it together.
sleep. it's very important. I get worried about sleep. because when I don't sleep, it wakes me up, even though my brain feels tired, it won't stop and it gets worse. so I start to worry after a couple days because I see the signs. Everything gets over the top. Laughing a lot, helpless hysterical laughter. and talking a lot and really fast, and talking over people. and having these ideas that aren't good ideas, like making so many cookies, or skimming just on the edge of paychecks. Leaving just enough to keep from being broke. so it's constantly on my mind juggling stuff. And then I feel this like giggly, high feeling. Not a sleepy drugged feeling. And if I keep laughing I will never stop kind of feeling.
all these are my warning signs. I need to sleep properly for a couple days to stave off what is most certainly coming. My doc and I talked about antipsychotics. But I have had really bad experiences with those. Seroquel and the involuntary head movements. the newer ones with the raising blood sugar issues. And lithium( mood stable) with ankles swelling. Depakote...liver issues for me. To me, unacceptable side effects. I have to watch for signs all the time. And when I see them, gotta find a way to sleep properly. OTC for some reason, make me even more hyper. Maybe because I used them so much before diagnosis, they just won't work anymore? I can't even meditate...can't relax into it. Tried working in the garden, cleaning and cleaning to wear myself out. gave up coffee for a while. but the energy still builds.
tonight I will sleep though. prescription. so in a few days, of normal sleep patterns, I bet you I will be closer to level again.
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Old 04-09-15, 12:47 PM   #2
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did you guys ever scroll all the way down on the "how you're feeling?" list of emoticons? there's a zombie! LOL
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Old 04-09-15, 06:14 PM   #3
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Maybe it would be smart to return on medications if you feel you are in risk of making some mistake while you are in your "moods". There are many variations of all sorts of medications. Every has some side effects that "may" show up. Its not a must. What works for some person, doesnt work at all for other. It might be smart trying some that your therapist suggests. Just bypass ones that can make your diabetes worse (if i understood right).

Best wishes friend
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Old 04-10-15, 08:53 AM   #4
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scared of side effects. not all side effects, just the ones that mess up my metabolism badly. and sometimes when i'm on meds, i don't care what i eat. I have no nutrition sense. it's like nothing matters. I actually know when things get to the point of meds, through past experience, i'm just hesitant to use them because bad things always happen and I have tried a lot of different ones. unfortunately on the upswing, the only thing is gonna be some crappy mood stabilizer which I am trying to avoid. I don't mind nausea, or dizziness and I can usually deal with sleepiness. but the weight gain just puts me in fear of obesity related disease, and when my legs get edema or my face gets swollen, all I can think of are my poor kidneys. they are fine right now, very little damage from the last time i took antipsychotics and mood stabilizers, but I don't want to add to it, you know? when i was on full blown bipolar meds and got diabetes, within a year of the diabetes diagnosis, I was put back in the psych hospital for suicide attempt...cause the diabetes. I saw what it did to my parents. I didn't want to end up like that. And even though on all my meds, and taking them every day, all the time, it didn't stop me from ending up in the psych ward.
so now I am a giant control freak I guess, out of fear.
I am scared of the meds, and I am scared of bipolar. so I am on a constant watch, and sometimes you know when things are going cray cray, and you can try and settle down, and sometimes you notice but you can't stop the ride. I am hoping my stubborn nature, and teamwork with my doc can get me through this intact. meds are not off my list, but they are definitely my very last resort.
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Old 04-10-15, 05:05 PM   #5
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I wish you the very best

I am sure there is some medication out there that will suit you
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Old 04-13-15, 08:16 PM   #6
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ok, on Friday after the sleep meds didn't work, I called my doc and asked to be put back on lithium. So he gave me a few days worth, and tomorrow I have an appointment with a pharmacist and the lab to have a blood test to see how it's going so far, make sure there's no weird organ side effects. which is cool, because that's one of the things that freaks me out, organ damage. But I have been on lithium before( before the old psychiatrist put me on the other stuff for whatever reason) and had no side effects. so hopefully my organs don't revolt. He also asked me to at least speak to the clinic psychologist so he wouldn't get in trouble for prescribing me mood medications. And I said ok, as long as they don't try and switch me to some weird powerful drugs that will mess me up. Luckily he saw where I was coming from. tomorrow I get to tell the pharmacy doctor all the bad things that happened while I was on the other drugs. I have a good memory and remember all the drugs, and all the crappy physical stuff that happened. So, me and my control freak self found a way I can tolerate medication. it is sometimes embarrassing, when I think of it, how i get so stubborn. And how I need to know every detail about everything so I can weigh out my options before I make a decision. I have a bad attitude. And I talk too much, too loud and too fast. But I am working on it. I am also working on not being so attached to people so I can just bounce around and not care. Just self preservation. Hopefully in a couple weeks I will be calmer, not so combative and quieter. Seriously I can hear myself when I'm talking and I'm like " shut up" but I don't stop. Ok...
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