Today I saw my counselor. He asked me how I do things day to day, and I was explaining and he said " wait a sec, don't you even just have time to relax?" I thought about it. I run out on my porch every few hours and smoke when I take the dogs outside, but then it's like I'm telling them ' get out of the garden, leave the chickens alone, stop play fighting cause you're gonna get mad.." stuff like that. Then I have to cajole them all back inside, and my cat will run out and hide under the table and I have to crawl under and get her..so outside isn't really peaceful. Then I read, but it's all nutrition books. Or cookbooks, trying to figure out what food to feed to whoever needs a special diet at the time. I get to come to TTL every now and then.
all in all, not a lot of me time I realized. So tonight I did something different. After making dinner and washing dishes and making coffee, I figured I will water the rest of the garden because today's water day and I only got half done cause I had to leave for my appointment.
Instead of taking all the dogs out, I only took my "comfort cat". She is the one who likes when I put baby clothes on her at night. And she goes where I go,and when I have to go out the kids tell me she freaks out. Anyways, we went out and she sat on the porch when I turned the sprinkler on, then she sat next to me on the bench. It was really calm and quiet, we just watched the sprinkler. Then I went around the vegetables and got a couple zucchini, then harvested some rosemary, then picked the old flowers off the jasmine bush and fed them to the rabbit and basically wandered around the yard checking grapevines and apple tree...in silence.
I sat down with my cat again and gave her a fresh catnip leaf and watched her play with it. It was so peaceful not having anyone ask me for anything, or being run over by my dog( she does it by accident..still a puppy..a big puppy) Also knowing that when I went back in, everything had already been done. I'm also on a juice fast( with doc's ok) and for some reason that makes me feel quieter.
So yeah, I think I found a way to have like a mini vacation a couple times a week. it was really nice :)