I hurt tonight. I'm really anxious. I try to write, it helps a little... I try to distract, have fun, be silly, it makes me hypomanic, kinda...
And then I stop that.. and I'm still anxious... bc the pain is still there + it's still deep...
And don't know what to do with it... or how to express it, get it to come out...
I'm scared a lot lately... Scared of cycling. Scared of not being able to feel, so I'll get anxious + hypomanic... but I'm anxious about being hypomanic + anxious about feeling + anxious about being anxious... ARGHHH.. AHHHHHHHHHH.
I feel so out of control when I think about it...
I'm afraid because I know that I can't afford to (lose control) can't afford to get anxious.. to spend too much time avoiding or being anxious bc if i can't deal, then within about 3 days, then I'll start to get SI again... :shock:
So yeah... I'm anxious about being anxious... Which doesn't help - not one bit.
:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
*sigh*
Just trying to remember to breathe. Cycling through this again and again.. I do this whenever I have big things to deal with... Spin myself in circles... physical symptoms of anxiety... wake up in the middle of the night.... every night, can't sleep...
Ergh. Just moving too fast....
Just afraid... But I can't lose it, right? These are just thoughts... feelings can't hurt me. Faith that I know what to do to cope...
Breathe...
If I can breathe, and calm down... then perhaps i can feel.. and write...
and can stop this cycling and fears......... :P
Stop being so very tense + having random SI thoughts...

Meditate... That's what needs to be done... Should do that and sleep... No, not should. That would *help.*
What would help? Meditating... SO that's what i want to do... Right?
(Just talking to myself, trying to talk myself into this...) Bc I have been avoiding this... Other things I want to do instead...

My therapist would ask: So why do you think you don't want to meditate - Why don't you want to feel better?
:P Bc it would mean that I would have to face this stuff, of course! :P lol. :oops:
*sigh*
I do believe it is likely more useful than my meds, though...

(((((hugs))))), strawbean

wish i could help. . .

sorry u feel so anxious straw ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

((((((Straw))))))
sorry to hear that you feel so anxious...
Hope you feel better :D

much care :D
Dizzy