Long story short. I have suffered with anxiety for just over twenty years. It's always there but for the past five years or so it's been mostly manageable.
I have noticed that my anxiety goes through the roof when a new romantic relationship arrives in my life. At the moment I am quite ill with it. At times as bad as I ever have been (which is extremely debilitating).
To over simplify, here's what happens.
I start a romantic relationship. Everything seems quite nice for a few weeks. I start having huge doubts, go into an anxiety tailspin and end the relationship.
I suppose, in a nutshell my question is this:
How do people who suffer with anxiety tell when doubts about a relationship are a gut warning that something isn't right and when they are just the anxiety doing what it does best and sabotaging everything?
I'm nearly 40 now and I've never had a 'healthy' relationship. I was with someone for about 10 years (between the ages of 23 and 33) but we were together for all the wrong reasons and it nearly ended up tearing us both apart. Before, but particularly since my relationships have all followed the same pattern highlighted above.
My current situation is that I met a woman 7 weeks ago and we have been seeing each other since. Things started off great and I genuinely believed I felt different about her but the same thing has happened again. I feel like I need to act and end it so my anxiety will go away (it wouldn't be there unless it was warning me off about something, right?). How do I tell if it's because I don't have feelings for her (is 7 weeks even enough time to know?) or if it's just my anxiety? It's so hard to feel my own feelings sometimes because they always feel tainted with anxiety.
Reading all that back I think I might be coming over as a bit needy. I don't go hopping from one disastrous relationships to another. I do spend quite a bit of time single in-between and don't feel like I NEED to be with someone. I'd just quite like a relationship without all the anxiety and crippling doubts at every turn.