Self harmers please read! *triggering*

Delta40 · 12-05-2009, 08:54 PM

What you are saying is that the method you tried was not effective. One of the biggest mistakes addicts make is cold turkey. They don't replace the practice with other things and they don't seek professional help. They go 'oh I will win this battle' then they lose and reinforce the idea that they will never stop. failing to plan will result in planning to fail.

Nobody has legitimate reasons which justify self-abuse as some kind of a solution. Inner pain causes more pain - like self harming and everyone can stop - when they choose to conscientiously

isurvived33 · 12-06-2009, 04:45 PM

I dont quite agree delta. Its not easy to just 'stop' self harm or to replace it with something else.. It consumes you like a disease. All your thoughts are floating around self harm. And not in a good way. Theres the constant worry you'll go too far, that people will notice, the guilt from after you self harm. So many things.
Self harm is a way to cope with inner pain. Its not a safe way but its a way many of us have choosen. Hardly any of us like it and if we could stop them we sure as hell would. Its like a drug and when its taken away you go nuts. You'd give anything to feel that release again.

Ive been in therapy for years... i still self harm. So it doesnt work for everyone

Delta40 · 12-07-2009, 05:05 PM

I never said it was easy but the level of challenge is not a justifiable excuse to continue the practice. Self harm is a way to distract from the pain inside. the self-harmer can't deal with the underlying issues in a positive constructive way so they harm and call it a coping strategy. Anyone that mutilates their own body is not coping. That is common sense. I'm not finger pointing at self-harmers but you have to choose your platform: to defend what you do or to seek ways to stop - switching between the two is not a position on self-harm.

Everyone is different and everyone needs different ways to beat their addiction - so spend your life finding the solution but don't say oh well, some of us just can't because it implies self-harm is a solution for some when in fact it isn't.

I don't want to put up a smoke screen here and I know it can be hurtful to have truth slapped in your face.

Self-harm is harmful - to the individual and to people who suffer as they are exposed to this bloody practice

heartfilledlies · 12-07-2009, 05:17 PM

to gain control. i had been depressed since i was atleast 6 b4 i started cutting when i was 13. i was so numb and i just wanted to get control over something in my life, but when i was 16 i lost control and became addicted to it. so i had to stop when i was 17. thankfully i was able too.

isurvived33 · 12-08-2009, 03:45 AM

i know self harming means your not coping, but its our way to 'cope' If that makes sense. Theres a difference between not coping so suicide and not coping so SH.

When you do something so long its hard to stop. no matter what it is

Lost Souls 1988 · 12-08-2009, 05:04 AM

i have to agree with you there isurvived33....it's a way of coping. and delta, i'm not saying it's a good way of coping, but it's our way of surviving stuff that we mentally can't cope with. yes it means we need help and need to stop but it's not like we started out of choice, well at least most of us didn't. it was my only way of coping, and it was that or suicide so i count it as a coping strategy.

Delta40 · 12-08-2009, 07:07 AM

I don't disagree with your definition of coping but to ask yourself what coping really means - well, you know self-harm does not fit the criteria. I'm sorry if you think I have got it wrong - I haven't. I don't know what you mean by self-harm by choice or non choice - what does it have to do with the cold bare fact that what you are doing is harmful to you and others? It isn't a justification. I know you don't want to do this. My point is beware that you don't defend your practice just because somebody confronts you about it. You already know its a negative way of 'coping' so it seems odd to take exception to my view. why not agree and say 'yes, its true, what I am doing is harmful and for as long as I do this, I will deteriorate on a physical level, an emotional level, a spiritual level and all my aspirations will dissipate over time till the only thing I have left is my mutilated mottled self. what steps do I need to take where the outcome is that I manage my pain - my life self-lovingly?'

I am not the enemy.

I know this is cheesy but you can't change what you don't acknowledge (Dr Phil) the reason I say that is my daughter's self-harm practice was something she coveted as her own personal 'thing' Only she had the privilege of hating what she was doing - anyone else simply didn't understand and they were not allowed entry into her self-destructing private hell. she held on tightly to the key so only she could have access to this dark side but did not realise that all along she was the key to her own solution - especially once she let go and shared her burden with those that loved her and were in a position to support and help her.

Honestly, I get it.

Lost Souls 1988 · 12-09-2009, 05:01 PM

I know it's wrong and I know it's not helping me in the long run. I don't even do it that much anymore, I just know that when I started it wasn't a conscious decision. It was more of a "What the hell?" to how i was feeling and it just happened. I didn't sit down and analyse how i felt to the point where i decided to self harm. it just happened. and i know you're not the enemy Delta, and i'm not trying to start an argument, i'm just trying to explain it how I see it. I don't make a decision to self harm - it's the only way i know how to cope with certain situations at the moment. i need help.

Quiet1 · 12-09-2009, 05:45 PM

I just beat myself up again. This whole week has beened screwed, and it's not even full.

Lost Souls 1988 · 12-10-2009, 04:48 AM

((hugs quiet1))