my ex boyfriend has messed with me for life.
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my ex boyfriend has messed with me for life.

This is a discussion on my ex boyfriend has messed with me for life. within the Abuse forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; I got together with Luke in October of 2009. For the first few months, I thought he was the best ...

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Old 09-03-11, 09:55 AM   #1
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Unhappy my ex boyfriend has messed with me for life.

I got together with Luke in October of 2009. For the first few months, I thought he was the best boy I'd ever found. I was 14 at the time. But still, I was positive I knew what love was, and I was even more positive I was in love with him. He was 16, he could drive, he was the best basketball player in his team, and he was 'hot.' He was also a sweetheart. He took me out to dinner all the time, wrote me cute love letters and used to send me a good morning and good night text every night without fail. I was the envy of every girl..
But then things turned bad.
I couldn't even talk to another guy without him going crazy. He'd shout at me and call me.. horrible names I won't write on here. He did it all the time.
A few times, he also physically abused me by pushing me against a wall, and pushing me off him, which caused me to fall over pretty hard..
I developed serious depression and anxiety. I'm pretty sure it was from him. With that, I also got extremely bad confidence problems.
One day, we had to catch a bus for an hour to get to our nearest beach. Just as we were about to get on the bus home, I saw him look at a girl with a very nice body with a bikini on, and burst out into tears.
He had a go at me for 10 minutes on the bus (very loud yelling, and it was a very busy bus). Then he got off the bus and left me.. alone. And I didn't know how to get home. Some strange 40 year old man came and sat next to me, helped me and let me cry on his shoulder, God bless that man!
Anyway, after putting up with this for 9 months, I got the courage to leave him. I immediately turned to my best friend (who was a guy) for help. I eventually started to like him too, and we've now been together 10 months, very happily. But all this time, we've had to keep it silent because Luke kept telling me 'if I ever moved on he'd kill himself.'
... Well, I just found out that this whole time, he's been lying to me anyway! He was sleeping with another girl, while he was still trying to get me back. .. He even attempted to rape me while he was sleeping with the other girl and I had a new boyfriend.
And he's now refusing to talk to me and cut off every bit of contact I have to him. The girl he was sleeping with found out about all this and stopped seeing him, and I am now friends with her. Luke apparently told her I have a bad body and 'really small boobs.' And apparently he was going to cheat on me while he was with me. But they could be rumours, I'm not sure if I want to believe it.
Today, I also went into his work with my boyfriend.. My boyfriend did not even look at him. And next thing I know, Lukes manager came up to my boyfriend and told him he was banned from the store for harassing Luke, then threatened him and told him to get out. Even though my boyfriend never did anything.. Luke made it up to get my new boyfriend in trouble, because he's jealous. We may even end up taking this to court.
My depression was starting to get better, but that set it off again.
My confidence is back to how it was, my depression is now bad all over again. Even with an amazing boyfriend that loves me so much,
I feel ugly and worthless. I have other problems in my life right now such as having a very sick mother and dealing with a brother that's just tried to commit suicide, and now all this on top of everything else is just starting to get too much.
I have no confidence anymore. I just want to give up on everything. I'm only 16 and he's already messed with me for life. I don't know what to do
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Old 09-03-11, 12:56 PM   #2
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Yeah, "my ex boyfriend has messed with me for life."

This title just hit me like a tonne of bricks. This is what happen to me too along the way. The abuse you've gone through is very similar to what I've gone through in my life. But I've been in 3 abusive relationships.

I didn't realize I needed help to recover from the abuse but I did. 8 Years after my first abusive relationship and 3 months after my third abusive relationship I went into counselling, then I went to Talk Therapy for about 6 weeks. I needed help because I was so damaged. I'm still not fully recovered.
My psychiatrist told me I might never recover. I know the abuse has changed me for life.

I wouldn't mind you going for counselling and possibly seeing a psychiatrist for Talk Therapy. It just helped me so much, that's why I'm suggesting it for you too.

As for you ex-boyfriend I want you to look up PSYCHOPATH on the internet and see if that's what you're dealing with. My first ex-boyfriend that was abusive was a psychopath and so was the third ex-boyfriend that was abusive with me. I believe the third abuser even targeted me. BTW, if I told anyone that knew these 2 men, that they were abusive they wouldn't believe me! There very charming and likable. I'm not saying this to be funny, these are very dangerous people. I believe him to be a psychopath.

The reason I think you might be dealing with a psychopath is the manipulative behaviour at the workplace of his where he got your boyfriend banned from the workplace. These people play victims and they manipulate people.

My advice to you is to not talk to your ex-boyfriend. Move on with your life and avoid him as much as possible. Go for counselling.

I believe for a young girl you're very smart and I believe all women are beautiful. I don't care being a woman myself I will always feel that way about my gender!

As for depression itself, I like to be proactive and exercise and get out of the house. Maybe you and your new boyfriend can go to the gym together, swimming or whatever.

Just think of it as today being a new day. Get some help. Counselling easy you just talk and they give you ideas on how to approach things. The talk therapy I think is what you really need. Hope this helps.
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Old 09-03-11, 08:58 PM   #3
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Thank you so much for replying. You have made me think about many things. I will definitely do a bit of research, and I will go and speak to my school counsellor. Thank you so much once again, you were an amazing help. I hope things get better for you, you deserve the world!
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Old 01-08-12, 03:10 AM   #4
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Its bad guys like him that give true men a bad name. No REAL man would ever abuse, degrade, or harm the woman he loves in ANY way shape or form. This....IDK what he is, he isnt a man, he is still a boy, is wrong for what he did, and none of it was your fault. But I would suggest trying to talk to someone everyone here is willing to help you get over your pain and there is no need to carry such a burden alone. Alot of people say its hard to forgive, but the moment you forgive him for his stupidity, the better you will feel. You will have closure and you can move on. He is an idiot that simply did not know the stupidity of his actions, and he should possibly be castrated in order to remove such a tainted bloodline from future generations. Forgive him, but always remember what he did, so you will know not to let it happen again, so you will be able to see early signs of it. And remember not all guys are jerks, a few of us good guys exist out there.
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Old 01-20-12, 12:23 PM   #5
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I Have Almost the exact same story as you, exept a little darker.
I met johnny in november 2008. He was a pot smoking, philosophica, Kurt Cobain reincarnite.l and would talk to me for hours about how much he lived me and how we were going to stay together forever, but i always had to keep an eye on his temper. When i was like, 15 and he was 18 we went through some hard times and broke up for a couple months. When we got back together, he was compleatly differant. He would chase me and like punch himself in the face untill he started bleeding and through me against walls like, he would hurt himself and me. but somehow both of those things were my fault. Ever since we broke up my lifes been insane. He calls my best friend telling her that im talking shit and trying to hook up with her boyfriend just to start drama. He got my fired from my job by telling them i go to work tripping on acid. He was just insane.
But in the end i can tell you youre worth so much more, He left me feeling ugly and worthless too. But thats just them trying to impose their feelings about themselves on you. If you can realize that you are not mean to be treated that way, than you can overcome the drama that this kid has imposed on youre life and move on happily.
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Old 01-20-12, 12:35 PM   #6
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So true,forgiveme13! They are immature kids and you really do not deserve them(Grrrrrrrr.... so angry...) Please do not think less of yourselves and don't blame yourselves either. You did what you thought was best for you at the time,even if it didn't turn out the way you'd have liked. Honestly,you couldn't have known!

Lots of love and hugs!
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Old 01-24-12, 03:51 PM   #7
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I would like to tell you the same thing I would tell my own daughter if this happened to her.

You ex-boyfriend is a manipulator. He thrives on making people feel bad about themselves so he can feel superior. He uses guilt to make himself feel better. He has been coddled and treated like gold by all those around him and so he believes he can do no wrong or suffer no consequences in life. But guess what? He is a pig, and one day he will be revealed as one.

You are a far better person than he will ever be. Always remember that.
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