How do I get away from the abuse? I've tried numerous times. I can't escape it. There is absolutely no way out. I have no money to leave. I'm always broke. I have been to domestic violence shelters and they don't help at all. They are infested with bed bugs all in the wood bunk beds. It is really awful. Women in those places are mostly just acting to try to find out the ways to get free benefits and free housing so a lot of them I've talked to in those places were never even abused but just lied to get in there. Plus the women there some are abusive as well. Women stole my stuff in there. Then you are only allowed to stay for 60 days then if you don't find housing on your own they kick you out. How is that helping a woman that is abused, scared, lonely and hurting? I already applied for free housing and most likely they won't pick me in the lottery because over 262,000 people applied where I applied at and only 30% get picked in the lottery for the low income housing so I'm sure my chances of not getting picked are very high. I applied for SSI and keep getting denied when I have numerous mental and physical ailments that prevent me from working. I already get food stamps and it is not enough at all. I get some cash and that is gone already fro this month. Many days I go hungry and starving and I'm pregnant right now. My stomach is in pain right now because I had nothing to eat today. I am not going to any food pantry's because every time it's is expired food that tastes no good and I don't like it. I have no friends or family I can talk to or stay with.
So how do I get out of this horrible relationship? Tonight the abuse was awful. I'm in so much pain from the hurtful things he has said to me. I have to cry silently because if I cry out loud he makes fun of me crying. He beats me up and he keeps threatening to pay someone to beat me up, he keeps saying they are going to find me in a ditch somewhere, he says other women are prettier than me and calls me horrible names about my body. I want it to end but there is no end in sight. I never have a good day. Every day is a bad day. When will I have a good day? What is the point of going on living if there is never a good day? I don't understand why he bothered to marry me if he thinks I'm ugly and other women look better than me? I'm confused. Every night I go to bed I pray and hope God doesn't let me wake up the next day. A lot of people are thankful to God in the morning for letting them wake up and see another day but I would be thankful to God if He didn't let me wake up to see another day of this horrible life I have. How can one go on living when they never have a good day in their life ever? Last good day I had was when I was a kid.