Life after domestic abuse?
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Life after domestic abuse?

This is a discussion on Life after domestic abuse? within the Abuse forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; i haven't been on here for years, I have been in a violent same sex relationship for 3 years. I ...

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Old 07-27-14, 01:22 PM   #1
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Unhappy Life after domestic abuse?

i haven't been on here for years, I have been in a violent same sex relationship for 3 years. I ended this after running from my home (on Saturday) with all my pets and clothes and now safe at my mums. My parents are aware of what has been happening and are happy it's ended and so was I until the day after... I feel free... Too free. What is life now? How do I live? What do I even like? What did I used to watch on tv? Or what did I used to want to wear? What friends did I used to have? Maybe I do need her in my life, or have I really adjusted to that life?! All I ever longed for when I was with her.. Was to be away from her. FAR FAR away! and now I can't live without her! I'm trying to be strong, I don't want that life back but I can't help but feel I need that life.
Has anyone been through this? Came out the other side?
Feeling lost!
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Old 07-27-14, 07:56 PM   #2
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Sorry to hear that. To me it sounds someway similar to Stockholm syndrom. If she hurt you (without your consent, nowadays sado mazo is popular), she doesnt deserve you. Dont think about what you used to love, think about what you love now.
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Old 09-14-14, 06:52 PM   #3
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Maybe you just aren't used to the new routine? Maybe you feel it requires too much concentration right now? Just do what you need to do when you are ready and not a millisecond too early or too late (by which I mean, don't let yourself get overwhelmed but don't let yourself get bored either).


Concentrate on loving what part of her is good, and knowing that it's best for both of you that you left. Encourage her to get help. Feel good, and encourage her to feel good (from an appropriate distance). Feel happy, not guilty, that you get new friends and a new life.
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Old 10-10-14, 12:49 AM   #4
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So many people do experience this and can relate to you. You will feel lost for a short while, miss all the selective good times you had plus what you were used to doing with your ex-partner. The very good part is that you have other people's support to help you through this in many ways. It will be hard at first but afterwards you will get used to the freedom with your new chapter in life that will hopefully be a very good one on your own or with someone new.
It is far better to be alone that to have others making your life unnecessarily hell. Your pets (if you consider them like your children) need you so focus on them and other positives in your life.
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Old 11-02-14, 05:15 PM   #5
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believe me, you're better off out of there. It will be hard to move on but you have the support of your parents to do so. my ex girlfriend abused me for 7 years and I know all too well the feelings you're having now it's hard to make that final break where you never go back but you really have to do it.
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Old 03-17-15, 11:28 PM   #6
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Main thing to remember is that YOU`RE FREE! First step to a new life.

Take the time to relax and try to heal. You will need time and with a supporting family, that will happen. If you can afford it, speak with a counsellor. He or she could very well either give you advice or at the very least lend that sympathetic ear.

As for what you used to do prior to the abusive relationship, you will remember in due time. if not, don`t worry about it. It`s the past. What`s important is your present. The future will come in its own time so try not to sweat it. It`s smart to plan for it but leave yourself some room and as many options as possible.

Above all, if the abusive partner tries to get you to return, for your own sake, do not fall for it. Cut her out of your life! You`ll be doing yourself the biggest favour ever!

I don`t know what else to suggest but will say, best of luck in your new life.

Remember, you are free.
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Old 08-18-15, 01:29 PM   #7
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Baby Steps. Day by day.

You get to build a NEW you, now.

If it is helpful, try finding a women abuse group in your area, you may have a lot of things in common to discuss. It may help to bring some conclusions further down the road.

Let it all out. Breath. Heal. & when you feel up to it, perhaps try to find why you feel you needed her & stayed.

Keep your distance from her. I am assuming that you may have had common friends... take this opportunity to explore new area's & new people in a safe environment.

Give yourself a chance to calm & relax. Try not to be too hard on yourself.
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