bullying?
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bullying?

This is a discussion on bullying? within the Abuse forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; Ok, I‘m here because of my friend. He has problem with bulying in school but he believes it will all ...

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Old 12-27-14, 02:31 PM   #1
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Question bullying?

Ok, I‘m here because of my friend. He has problem with bulying in school but he believes it will all just go away if he doesen‘t react. And I don‘t know how to help him. I was never bulyied and when somebody tryed to bully me my solution always was to beat sh*t out of him so he will think twice next time he try to do that. But don‘t know how to help my friend because I can‘t just go to his school and beat somebody because I‘m afraid he will take payback on my friend when I‘m not near. And my friend is just too afraid to confront them. Would really apriciate any answers.
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Old 12-27-14, 03:22 PM   #2
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That's tricky. Depending on the nature of the threat, he should report it to school administration and his parents or the police if necessary. It might not get better, but should anything serious happen at least he reported the abusers so that they can be held accountable. Your friend is lucky that he has you to confined in.
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Old 12-27-14, 04:35 PM   #3
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My sister's kid went through this and they went to the principal and superintendant of the school. Apparently the kid got kicked out when it was all done and over. IDK what to say.
I am 45 years old and I'm dealing with bullying in the workplace. I'm not sure how to handle it myself. I went on stress leave for it.
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Old 12-27-14, 05:41 PM   #4
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Its always the best solution to try and avoid physical conflict. Just reporting it to teacher/professor or any authorities in school. Bully will be warned then and if it happens again he will get kicked out.

If your friend is a guy, i know that some kind of "manliness", which is in my opinion a lie, will be blocking him from reporting, it will seem cowardly. But its not cowardly to defend yourself. Its smart. Swallow the pride and report it is what i say.
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Old 01-10-15, 06:28 PM   #5
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when i was a young girl i was bullied mercilessly because i had buckteeth. but t was back in the 70s so i just fought back. the older boys would corner me and call me names or say things to hurt my feeling and i would just start swinging and kicking. I had a lot of pent up rage from other issues, but back then it was acceptable to fight back. people actually encouraged me. my teachers would put the people i fought with in detention and leave me alone. after 6th grade it stopped cause i got braces.
now, present time, my sons were bullied in high school. because of one thing or another, they weren't the right race, they were too quiet, etc. ( seriously..some kids called my son a zebra) so since they weren't allowed to physically fight back, i told them use verbal retaliation. when they started school they thought "shut up" was a bad word. and they were shocked that people said it to each other. i told them look, we'll use it to get you guys used to it. then i gave permission to use the word " crap" it's unfortunate but finally i had to say, just swear at people if they torment you and watch what happens.
it actually works...sad but true. they got really good at it and the bullies were so shocked they stopped bothering them...cause they figured my kids were mean.
i feel bad it had to come to that because i brought them up saying that swearing wasn't good because you need a big vocabulary and swearing reduces it. but it got them through high school.
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Old 01-11-15, 02:54 AM   #6
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I lost my Dad at 9 years old, so never really had a male role model. Was bullied at school, and it damaged me beyond belief. Never knew how to handle violence, and came to believe I was a coward. On top of that, it was just so embarrassing watching the bullies posturing and preening, I actually felt embarrassed for THEIR part too, never mind my own, personal humiliation. I've had to fight a few times in my life, through life-threatening necessity when some gangsters were attacking my grandfather and when some men tried to rape my girlfriend at the time, and can never remember the actual details or the combat themselves, except my vision went black and I lost control completely, only coming to when pulled away by the police and seeing people being loaded into an ambulance, one man on the roof of a car and another hanging by his head through a glass door. In those days, in this country, it was more or less acceptable to defend yourself by any means.

And before you say anything, I don't think this is heroic at all, in fact, it makes me extremely afraid to deal with any sort of confrontation, because I'm deathly afraid I may kill someone. So, in a way, I'm still a coward, and I feel the eyes of criticism on me all the time... So I'm scared all the time, I can't make appropriate responses to insults and threats, because I get tongue-tied and my mind just reels with confusion, and end up walking away feeling even worse. But I feel like a walking bomb, and it all seems to build up and build up, and I feel like one day I won't be able to stop myself from just going nuclear.
So, in my view, my most humble opinion, and I'm no lawyer or psychologist, the best thing your friend can do is take up a martial art, and learn how to give a MEASURED, APPROPRIATE response, using CONTROLLED force, just to protect his personal space. But, if he doesn't do anything to protect his space, he's likely to carry the guilt for the remainder of his life, and it's not pleasant at all.
Thank you Shacke, for being a good friend, to your friend in need.
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Old 01-11-15, 09:45 AM   #7
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sometimes standing up to people is the only thing you can do. from my own personal experience i was bullied mercilessly as a teenager and no matter who i reported it to, no one took me seriously or did anything about it. i put up with a lot of abuse for many years while in school until one day someone just said the wrong thing at the wrong time and i snapped and got myself involved in my one and only physical altercation.

from that point on, no one even so much as looked at me sideways and it was the best thing that could have happened. i know people say you should avoid conflict at all costs and report it to higher authorities but sometimes standing up for yourself is enough to scare anyone away from doing it again. sometimes those people who are supposed to protect you, can't or won't. bullies pick on people that they know won't stand up for themselves. they pick on people who they view as weak. they don't want their power and self appointed authority to be questioned or challenged.

if he is too afraid then all he can really do is try his best to document and report the abuse to someone. tell him to have witnesses who can back him up. bullying is an awful thing to go through and i hope he is able to sort his situation out. as his friend all you can do is remind him that it doesn't last forever.

good luck to both of you
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Old 01-11-15, 03:03 PM   #8
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Oh, thanx for answers, didn‘t expect so many of them. Well I talked with my friend again today and he says that those problems has gone. Me, I‘m not so sure. Anyway, he don‘t want to take martial class, and he is anyway too afraid to confront them (both fisicaly and verbaly). And fogy dog thanx I don‘t think that martial class would help with using controled force (atleast it didn‘t work for me).
Again thank you all for responses and even through he may solved this alone, I am not really shure...
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Old 05-26-15, 03:01 PM   #9
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hi i am sorry to hear your friend is being bullied in school. I been bullied and still am but going into school and beating crap out of someone sometimes isnt the best way to solve the problem and yes can make things much worse. i would tell staff or if there is phiscal marks then tell the police.

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Old 08-14-15, 09:25 PM   #10
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School bullying (and now cyberbullying on social media) is a very serious problem and I am not certain enough is being done to tackle it. I was bullied physically and verbally throughout my school years. I was slapped in the face, I was kneed in the balls, I was thrown to the ground and pummelled by three or four boys who jumped on me.

Unfortunately, a certain section of society says this kind of thing is some kind of rite of passage, and you should just deal with it, or (worse) fight back. I don't think that approach is very helpful or constructive. The emotional toll that bullying takes can be extreme and last a long time.
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